A Love Letter To My Favorite Face Mask

Keeping my skin extraordinarily lovely and pore-less is one of the greatest triumphs of my life. #NoShameInMyBeautyGame

My favorite face mask is actually sourced from Mormon salt mines! It also contains flecks of organic mica, as well as a dollop of Peruvian sky clay. Plus, it is infused with a Vitamin C-boosting ingredient-French Lace Blood Oranges. Very effective combination!

Now, you cannot purchase this mask at the store. It's far too exclusive for that. You must run behind a golden pickup truck in Denver and toss a silver shoelace through its open window in order to be added to the waitlist. Super cool, I know.

My mask is always applied by a medievalist soothsayer after an hour-long steam session in my jungle steam hot spring. I feel that it also cleanses my spirit!